So there's this thing that I'm trying out. Some aspects of it are kind of new to me, some are very familiar. I've actually been doing it for many a year now but every time I think I get it down into a manageable system, someones goes and throws anther curve in the road. This thing is called being a student. This new part of it is known to some as being a college student.
It goes by several aliases, some of which you may or may not familiar with, depending on what type of college student you are. Some of the more commonly used aliases used by yours truly include, but are not limited to:
Sleep embezzler. Confidence annihilator. Culture shock central. You'll-never-have-enough-time plaza. And my personal favorite (or so it would seem with the frequency of usage lately) is the Oh-Shit-I-just-woke-up-and-class-starts-in-five-minutes generator.
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| Guess who's about to be late for class... |
Yes, it would seem that college and my inability to to manage time has not played out well for me this first year. Not played out well at all.
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| Spongebob knows what's up |
I know there are other students out there like me. I know because I see them chain smoking outside of the library. I know because sometimes I inch my way over until I'm within breathing proximity of that lethally calming smoke and meditate in it until my brain has been soothed to a workable level.
I do not, however, know if my chain smoking buddies will be there next semester. I guess there's this thing that institutions of higher learning like to call "academic probation". While I myself have not been put on this "probation"...sometimes I feel like we're cutting it dangerously close.
Because there are other college students at this place of learning. And these college students are not renaming this school names with such negative connotations as mine. They call it things like, "Best time of my liiiife". and, "I'm so totally going to med school here, why would you ever want to leave?!". and "I always find time to get my 6 hours of beauty sleep in".
These are the ones I just want to start a fight with for no reason. These are the ones that I try and say make me look bad (even though it's really just me making me look bad). These are the ones that really piss me off if for no other reason than because that's what that's who I was supposed to be.
I worked my supple little ass off in high school to get to college. 4.03 GPA, stellar extra curricular activities, outside job, teachers loved me, I freaking OWNED high school. And I was so excited to graduate and get to a place where I would amongst peers who were as motivated and smarter and as excited about changing the world as I was. Am. Was?
Now I'm here and...I can't stand it. These people are not in it to change the world. They're in it to add to their trust funds. I'm stereotyping a little bit, not all of them have trust funds. But they do have very nice leather wallets.
I'm searching in the nooks and crannies of this place and I can't even scrape up enough passion to spread on my toast. I'm staying up late because I do all this extra work for all these groups I'm in because I joined all these groups because I wanted to find friends and I did but they're all lazy.
No go-getters.
And it's freaking me out. It's freaking me out because I can feel it spreading. Going to my feet making me slower getting to class. Going to my hands making it harder to write my papers. Going to my face making it harder and harder to smile. Going to my brain making it harder and harder to stay who I am. I'm not this bad student! Who the fuck is this indifferent, distracted, quiet chick?
Whoever she is, she seems to have some rather negative views on this new part of life called college.
Something must be done to change that...
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